The path to Tranquility (spring)
20. Taking off the shell of the soul
In the journey of life, our soul gradually grows a shell. Like an exquisite mask, it hides our true emotions and weaknesses while trying to protect us from the outside world. We long to establish a deep connection with others, but build a high wall in our hearts, afraid of being seen through and rejected. This contradiction makes us wander between intimacy and alienation in interpersonal relationships, longing to be understood but not daring to express ourselves. Ultimately, this shell makes the relationship superficial and makes us fall into loneliness and exhaustion.
The formation of the soul shell comes from inner fear and external pressure. First, we worry that our true self is not perfect enough and we are afraid of being abandoned. For example, in the workplace, a young man always shows his confident side, but never reveals his inner anxiety to his colleagues, fearing that he will be considered "unprofessional". This fear makes his interaction with others always stay on the surface, and it is difficult to establish real trust.
Secondly, the modern social environment further exacerbates this defensive mentality. In the era of social media, we are surrounded by countless "perfect" images: glamorous life, successful career, happy family. These carefully woven images make us unconsciously wear masks and only show the side that meets expectations. A young man posts photos of travel and food on the Internet, but never mentions the economic pressure and loneliness behind them. As a result, sincerity has become a luxury, and it is even more difficult for us to relax our inner vigilance.
The contradictions in intimate relationships also strengthen this shell. We desire closeness, but we are afraid that our true selves will break the other person's beautiful imagination. For example, lovers are often attracted to each other's mystery in the early stages of a relationship, but as both parties gradually reveal their true thoughts and discover the gap between fantasy and reality, this attraction may weaken or even cause friction. A relationship built on imagination is unlikely to last long because it lacks a sincere foundation.
This shell may seem protective, but it comes at a heavy price. When we suppress our true selves, relationships become superficial and it is difficult for us to resonate with each other at the depths of our souls. We may feel lonely in a lively party and alienated in a close relationship. A man often meets with friends, but the topics always revolve around trivial matters in work and life, and he rarely talks about his true feelings. He feels empty, as if no one can really understand him.
What’s worse is that defense mechanisms often trigger a vicious cycle. In order to avoid being seen through, we isolate ourselves, leading to loneliness, anxiety and depression. Over time, we seem to have become a life machine, just passively responding to the outside world and forgetting how to communicate with our inner selves.
The only way to break this cycle is to bravely take off the shell of the soul and embrace the real self. This does not mean exposing ourselves without reservation, but sharing our emotions and weaknesses with people we trust when appropriate. The "power of vulnerability" theory in psychology points out that when we have the courage to admit imperfections, such as confessing a failed experience, the other party is often more willing to open up and establish a deep connection.
Authentic relationships require efforts from both parties. When we reveal our true needs and expectations at the beginning of a relationship, we don’t have to worry about the other person leaving because they “discover the truth.” For example, if lovers discuss their expectations for the future early in their relationship, they have the opportunity to build a strong relationship based on this, even if they face disagreements.
More importantly, our soul is not a static existence, but a small universe full of unknowns and constantly growing, which is worth exploring for a lifetime. When we treat others sincerely, their views on us will no longer be an illusory projection, but based on understanding and respect. Such a relationship is not only more stable, but also makes us feel a real sense of belonging.
True intimacy is not about the distance between you and me, but about the fusion of souls. When we take off our shells, our souls reflect each other's true face like a mirror. You are in me, I am in you, it is a "we" state beyond the self. Just like a couple who have experienced long-term companionship, they can rely on each other through sincere conversations. They share their fears and dreams frankly because they understand that real connection is more powerful than perfect fantasy.
To achieve this integration, we first need to clear the obstacles in our hearts, face our own vulnerability, accept the feedback of others, and live in the present. Mindfulness practice is an effective tool that can help us observe our emotions instead of being led by them. For example, spend ten minutes every day quietly asking yourself: "What am I afraid of today? What do I want to say?" This practice can help us understand our inner selves better and cultivate the courage to open our hearts to others.
It’s not easy to shed the shell of our soul, like peeling off a layer of skin, but every small courageous action can make a difference. Today, let’s confess our true feelings to a close friend, such as “I’m very stressed out lately.” Tomorrow, try to accept a kind suggestion, even if it makes us uncomfortable. Day by day, these small practices will gradually peel back the barriers of the mind and allow us to become a truer and stronger version of ourselves.
Ultimately, only by learning to face ourselves and others sincerely can we establish deep and strong connections and regain inner peace and freedom. The outer shell of the soul used to be a shelter, but only by taking it off can we truly touch the core of life and write a story that belongs to "we" with others.
21. The essence of the soul is the same
